Wedding Invitations (and Staying a Feminist)

When we first got engaged, lots of people warned us not to take things too seriously. And luckily, Z and I are pretty good at remembering that the font on our wedding invitations and the exact style of bentcher we choose and the color shade of the dresses that our sisters wear are not crucial decisions and also not the parts of our wedding that will make it special for us. This doesn't mean there's no stress in wedding planning—there's plenty, but I think we're decent at mostly getting stressed about the right things. (I should probably speak for myself here. The only thing that seems to get Z stressed is how stressed I am.)

But it's funny to see which things end up bothering me and which don't.

I didn't think twice about changing my last name after I get married. I think it's nice for a family to have the same last name, and though I recognize the convention of the woman taking the man's name has a sexist feel, I have no particular inclination to be unconventional on this. I don't have a strong attachment to my own last name, which is a run-of-the-mill Jewish one, and any combinations of my last name and Z's last name sound horrendous. Had I published extensively under my name and built a strong professional identity, I would have considered using my maiden name, at least professionally, but, alas, I haven't published extensively. So, taking on Z's last name was an easy decision for me.

But you know what does bother me? The way our parents' names are supposed to appear on our invitation. A standard invitation looks something like this:

Mr & Mrs. Joe Schmo
Mr. & Mrs. John Doe
request the honor of your presence

[Also lots of people seem to feel the need to spell "honor" the British way, which makes no sense to me since this is America and all.]

at the marriage of their children
blah blah blah

But why does the only way to make our parents' names formal involve pretending that women don't have names at all? I've scoured the web for solutions to this problem, and there really isn't one. "John & Jane Doe" is too informal for some tastes, and "Mr. John & Mrs. Jane Doe" seems remarkably clunky. This blog post–"Addressing Wedding Invitations (and staying a feminist)"—helped a bit but doesn't really solve the clunky problem. I don't want to erase my mother and mother-in-law from the wedding invitation. Does that seem unreasonable?

Deep Thoughts: The Grading by the Fire Edition

• If you have to grade 220 essays in a single night, sitting in front of your fireplace with a Diet Coke is the way to do it. 

• Dear CVS near school, I love you for selling kosher wraps. Thank you for preventing my starvation after a late arrival in L.A. last night and no time to make lunch for today.

• What sort of sadist brings a can of tuna to eat on a four-hour flight? 

• I have lots of yummy coffee beans and a broken coffee grinder. What is a coffee addict to do?

My Spelling Hero

 

(from Post Secret)

I am probably a terrible person (lots of people seem to currently think that anyway), but this guy is sort of my hero.

Social Media Fail

So, Amazon has this thing now that when you buy anything, it asks if you want to share your purchase on Facebook or other social-media-type venues. My answer is always no, partially because I think it's creepy, partially because I don't really think anyone cares when I buy a box of 50 thank you cards or a book called Information Rules: A Strategic Guide to the Network Economy, and partially because I don't want the recipient to know when there's a gift of Crocodile Dentist coming his way.

But I was especially amused/horrified when I ordered a book for kallah classes and Amazon offered to help me share the purchase with my 600 Facebook friends. Thanks, but no thanks, Amazon.

Bookstores and Coffee and Travel, Oh My

Once, for my birthday, one of my best friends took me for a coffee tour of Washington, D.C., in which we went to lots of D.C. coffeeshops with good reputations and drank lots of yummy coffee. (There was even a journal where we reviewed the different coffeshops.) It was an excellent and very caffeinated tour. This list of the 20 best bookstores in the world inspires me to do a worldwide bookstore tour. (Honeymoon, maybe?) I, in fact, have maintained a desire to go to Portland ever since a friend told me about a fantastic used bookstore there. I know of nothing else worth seeing in the whole state of Oregon. 

Also, is it sad that I have been to the bookshop in Amsterdam that's on the list but not the one in L.A.?