Happy Erev Chanukah!

Yes, I know it's old news, but I figure if it's good enough for HuffPo to link to, it's good enough for me. (Note to readers: I do not know what implications this will have for the future of my blog. Stay tuned.) Anyhow, I'm getting excited for Chanukah. Well, mostly I'm getting excited for the box that's been sitting unopened in my room for the past week, which, I am told, contains an awesome Chanukah gift. Because I, unlike my holy 6-year-old brother who prefers Pesach to Chanukah, get excited over deep-fried food, gifts, and fire.

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Will Ever Ask Me What I Study

Dear anyone who will ever ask me what I study,

I am studying communication. That does not mean I am learning how to communicate. It is not funny when you say something to the effect of, "You must communicate really well."

Love,
Eli7

Shoe Purgatory

Dear shoes,

I am sorry I killed you. You will be missed.

Love, Eli7

Another Driving Milestone

I can successfully drive in heels and wedges. Booyah.

Giving the Finger and Other Milestones

Yeah, yeah, it's been a while. I've been busy. I went to my first academic conference, where I learned that I suck at networking and that conferences accept some work that is, shall we say, less than amazing (which means that if I don't get work accepted to these conferences I am going to be even more discouraged because it will mean my work is worse than that work). I also learned that San Francisco is an awesome city (with the exception of its not kosher Coffee Bean, which threw a wrench into my meal plans) and that academics drink a lot of coffee. In other words, not mind-blowing but a good time.

I have also learned that I become an obnoxious driver when I am stressed because I left school at 3:50 and candle lighting is at 4:30. First time I have ever given anyone the finger. And he probably only sort of deserved it. Also, if I gave four years of my life and sleep to a college newspaper, you'd think it could pay me back by filling out my darn survey so I don't fail a class. You'd think, wouldn't you?

Now, I have to write three papers by the end of the semester. Big ones. And grade 220 finals. And host a Thanksgiving dinner (including pumpkin challah!) and celebrate Chanukah (which my 6-year-old brother finds less enjoyable than Pesach—he's insane or gets some really awful Chanuka presents). And then fly off to the cold, cold East Coast, where I will visit many cities to see many fun people.

'The Abyss of Contemporary Academia'

"[T]he boldness of of this ignorant lily-white redneck fundamentalist led my other students to form a committee to demand that I grade and return their accumulated essays and examinations. There was even a small demonstration outside the window of my office. It was rather dramatic. For being such simple, ignorant children, they managed it quite well. At the height of the demonstration I dumped all of the old papers—ungraded, of course—out of the window and right onto the students' heads. The college was too small to accept this act of defiance against the abyss of contemporary academia." —A Confederacy of Dunces

In the past 24-ish hours, I graded 100 essays and piloted six surveys. And now I am tired.