Culture Shock #511: Caring About College Sports

On the radio this morning: “This weekend is a big game: the USC-UCLA game. They don’t know who, but somebody vandalized the UCLA bear and spray-painted its face red and yellow … I think I figured out who did it.”

Once upon a time, I went to a school that never ever won sports games. Before a Homecoming game against Princeton, they printed T-shirts that said, "We may lose, but they still have to go home to New Jersey." They looked for rivals in schools that were only barely worse than they were. Now, I go to a school that has a sports team that they talk about on the radio and a rivalry that is so serious that for a week before the USC-UCLA game, the mascot is wrapped in duct tape (that's Tommy the Trojan to the right) and guarded 24/7 to protect against vandalism. UCLA, it should be noted, seems not to take this precaution. There are also UCLA bears hanging from the ceiling in the university bookstore and the marching band has a song called "UCLA Sucks."

Because I Am a Mean Person

This makes me happy:

Also, I've always wanted USC sukkah lights. And by always, I mean never.

Californians Are Wusses

At Columbia, which is in New York, where it gets cold, they have Naked Run. In October. At UCLA (and maybe, one day, at USC), where the weather is gorgeous, they have (or, apparently, had) Undie Run.

I'm not exactly one to run around naked or in my underwear, but I am just saying New Yorkers are way tougher than Californians.

On a semi-related note, a friend recently told me: "Listen, honey. Just because you leave, you can't drop who you are. You are a NY born and bred and will be til the day you die no matter where you move to or for how long. OK?" Duly noted and totally true. I'm way tougher than these Californians.

I'm Not Short; I'm Space Efficient

The husband of the couple I stayed at for Shabbos: Are you shorter than my wife? I've never met anyone who is shorter than my wife.

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Friend: My roommates are so picky. They're only a year older than me, but they seem so grown-up and concerned about everything.

Me: Mine are a year or two younger than me, and they are little.

Friend: They're physically smaller than you?

Me: Yes, they're midgets. No. I meant they're young.

Friend: Oh, phew, because I wanted to be like, Eli7, you know you're pretty small. I couldn't believe that they were actually smaller than you.

One Big, Happy Family

Background info: My statistics professor's name starts with an M.

I left my phone on the sink in the bathroom at school, and one of my classmates found it there and took it to the lost and found. I caught her as she was walking into the lost and found and got my phone back. She said, "I was going to call Mom to find out whose phone it was, but instead of Mom, I found Professor M__."

Who needs family when you've got professors? (In truth, my mother is in my phone under "Eema.")

Newspaper Quote of the Day

"The idea that you can do 'more with less' is, in my view, one of the four great lies. What you can do with less, is less. But if you are smart and careful, you can limit the harm." —Bill Keller

Because I Obviously Have to Link to Anything About Shoes

"It's just fun to shop for shoes. Maybe part of the fun is you don't feel fat. And you don't get hot. It's exhausting trying clothes on, especially the skinny jeans."

The NYT says shoe sales are up in one of those recession trend stories about people who aren't really poor that the NYT just loves to write. People who are acquiring "boot wardrobes" and buying Allen Edmonds shoes (OK, I looked it up—I don't know anything about men's shoes) are just not the people suffering from this recession.

I do, however, like this argument: "Living in New York, she walks everywhere. 'I use the argument, "If I spend $150 to $300 on shoes, this is my car." ' " Yeah, I forget how to deal with all those quotation marks in quotation marks, and my handy AP Style Guide is on the other coast. But, still, I wish I had thought of that argument before I had a car.

Deep Thoughts: The Things Are Looking Up Edition

Well, things are looking up (aside from the stats homework I have to do for tomorrow and the 25-page paper that is going to be due at the end of the semester for which I have not an idea). But other than that ...

• After an inauspicious start, this year's post-Halloween candy-sale hunt was a rousing success. There will be lots of pumpkin-shaped Reese's in my future. And a friend surprised me by mailing me Halloween Popems (since apparently L.A. does not believe in these; it would be an infinitely better city if it did). I'd say this Halloween season went well.

• I am going to see my beloved Atlantic Ocean this weekend. And I will have someone to take care of me for a few days. And I will still have warm weather. Florida, here I come.

• After a nasty cold, I bear almost no resemblance to Rudolph the Reindeer anymore. This is a vast improvement
  

• I may not fail statistics. Don't take my word for it yet, but it is possible.

• I am going to be the proud owner of a free Billy Jader bookcase. Problem number two: figuring out where to put it.