This Is My Brain On ... Too Much Introspection

I've been wanting to write a good, solid post for quite some time -- mostly because I've been meaning to figure out what is going on in my head for quite some time. And for better or for worse, I use my blog to figure these things out.

But I've also been avoiding this for quite some time. I've been doing a lot of procrastinating lately -- a lot of watching stupid television shows on the Internet to avoid thinking. I know this is not healthy. But I'm also sort of afraid to figure things out.

Part of me has not wanted to have to think until I have my own apartment and feel settled. And, alas, I still don't have an apartment. I am living mostly out of suitcases packed from my dorm, a pile of skirts, and a few drawers that I stole from my sister. And I don't have any apartment prospects immediately available.

I am frustrated.

I am also still unsure about my job choice. There are things I love about my new job and things I miss about my old job and times I think I was a fool to give it all up. And often I feel like a failure for not having the more prestigious job even if it wasn't the best job for me.

I am confused.

And I am aching, aching to go back to school. My grandparents and parents would be overjoyed if I decided to go to law school, but, well, I'm not convinced I would be. In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be happy being a lawyer. But somehow I'm not quite yet willing to completely rule it out, which means I have not been able to articulate my lack of desire to go to law school strongly enough to my family, which means they keep pushing me.

I would love to get a Ph.D., but I am deathly afraid of not getting into the program I want (or any program) and also not quite sure what I would do with such a degree. I know I don't want to teach (I can't stand stupid people), which doesn't leave me with very many options. And it's a lot of time for something useless in the end. And I hate being so damn practical about it.

I am afraid of failure.

I don't want to settle and yet at this point, in so many realms, I don't even know what is settling and what is taking the harder route. And does not settling mean being too picky? And what are the other options? Can't they both lead to unhappiness?

Yeah, that's why I've been avoiding doing this for so long...

A Nightside Oddball in a Dayside World

I'm a sucker for journalism quotes and for people waxing poetic about journalism and for people just discussing journalism -- oh, and also for people exhibiting a hatred of puns. So, I've especially liked the NY Times's Talk to the Newsroom with Charles Strum, the associate managing editor for nighttime operations (or somesuch long and not particularly descriptive title). Some gems from his answers to readers' questions:

"My guess is that newsroom oddballs come in two shades, dayside and nightside."

"[A]nd truth — to the extent you can know the truth without getting a degree in philosophy — is what we know at deadline."

"Spin? Gosh, that would be easy. News? News is like herding cats."

"And when the editors around here who write headlines write punny heads, they laugh out loud and show them to their colleagues. They, too, laugh — maybe — as they try to figure out if the author is seriously trying to submit the pun to the head of the copy desk. And then, when everyone's done laughing, they go back to writing headlines we can publish."

"The more obvious kind of wordplay (Rubber Industry Bounces Back) should be tested on a trusted colleague the way mine shaft air is tested on a canary. When no song bursts forth, start rewriting." [That one is from the NY Times style guide.]

Happy Pink Month

I support breast cancer research and awareness. Really I do. I mean, they're not really the sort of things you can be against. Really I think they're important and great and all those good things. But, aren't there better ways to promote breast cancer awareness than making EVERYTHING pink? I mean, my lettuce bag is pink, and my mother's new frying pan is pink, and the chocolate wrappers are pink.

I have this childhood-borne aversion to pink. I just don't like the color. I want to be able to support breast cancer awareness without every single modern convenience turning pink. Is that too much to ask?

On Why Eli7 Cannot Be a Housewife

“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”

I once had a teacher who said she loved ironing because she could fix something, get all the creases out, make it right in just a few minutes.

Well, all I have to say is that the teacher probably did not accidentally iron her mother's skirt at midnight, only to find that out the next morning when, after trying to put on the beautifully ironed skirt, she checked the size and found it was not even near her size and then had to wear a creased skirt to work anyway.

And that teacher probably did not have her ironing board break the next night when she tried to unfold it (the leg literally snapping off) so that after struggling for way too long with her shirt and the broken board on her bed, her shirt was still creased.

But I am giving up and going to bed. Creased shirt be damned.