Sunday, November 27, 2005

On Old Roommates and New Roommates

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago (well, fine, about three years ago, but it feels like an eternity), I spent a year studying in Israel. It was a year of spirituality and growth, and I firmly believe that it would not have been what it was had I lived with different people.

My dira, or apartment, went through some hardships, but by the end of that year was especially close-knit. I count the people I lived with in Dira 13 as some of my best friends. My roommate for that year was one of the nicest, best, whole-hearted people I have ever met. She is real and genuine and special. And she definitely took part in making me who I am today.

And she has gone and found herself a new roommate. And he's no sem girl. She got engaged last week and I can only wish them the best of luck in their future together. Mazal tov.


At 11/27/05, 2:40 PM, Blogger Masmida said...

my recommendation to anyone going to secular college is to get yourself a frum roomate. If not a roomate of the female variety, then the permenant variety instead

At 11/27/05, 4:11 PM, Blogger Frum Singles said...

I would reccomend that you connect youself to hashem do mizvos masim tovim and you are guaranteed to find a shiduch. If you take the approach that you are in control of your life (getting the A at all costs), then youre on the own for the shiduch scene as well. Good luck with the meat-meet market on the UWS

At 11/27/05, 4:20 PM, Blogger Michael said...

Hey, FS, if your recipe works so well, how come Agudah had to devote an entire forum to the shidduch crisis at this weekend's convention? How come Rav Solomon, shlita, and others need to speak about it so often? Why don't they just issue your guarnantee and sit down?

Is everyone as "disconnected from HaShem, mitzvos, and ma'asim tovim" as Elisheva and is that the reason they're still single?

At 11/27/05, 4:20 PM, Blogger Michael said...

And mazel tov to Masmida whom, I'm assuming, was the subject of this post!

At 11/27/05, 7:33 PM, Blogger Masmida said...

no such mazal! thanks anyway

At 11/28/05, 4:24 PM, Blogger Michael said...

I guess I misinterpretted the "[smile]" incorrectly then. In any case, iy"H by you b'sha'ah tovah!
...and everyone else, of course.

At 11/28/05, 6:00 PM, Blogger Stx said...


FS, it's getting old. Really old. I'd like to see what your life is like. Do you feel that you are in control of your life any less than Eli7 does? Somehow I wonder...

And I wish her a mazal tov as well.

At 11/28/05, 8:35 PM, Blogger Frum Singles said...

Actually, I have a lot of work to do in developing my realtionship with hashem, but I consider that to be a lifetine pursuit. So long as I am on the road and headed in that direction, I'm somewhat content. You misunderstand me if you beieve that the purpose in my comments is to be condascending. To the contray, my interest is in generating discussion preenting a point of view that may not be heard in the cacophony of what passes as "values" at an ivy league institution. I do note however that many of the comments from other males seem to be of the flattering nature. Is it because Elisheva is a bright articulate and attractive young lady that you attempt to "side" with her. I do not deny that Elisheva may be endowed with many gifts from hashem. That does not mean wee can not engage in some good faith debate/dialougue/discourse.

At 11/28/05, 9:53 PM, Blogger Eli7 said...

OK, number one, Masmida, b'sha'ah tova...

number two, FS:

-STX is female.

-I have NO interest in any part of the UWS scene.

-There is no way that any male who comments on this site, yourself included, would know if I'm attractive or not.

-I hardly think that being content because you are on the right path is a good idea. You should never be content and certainly being headed in the rigt direction is not enough. Life is all about growth which requires constant motion which requires never being content.

-My lifetime goal is to develop a relationship with Hashem too and don't think I don't take that seriously just because I happen to be at a secular university.

-More importantly, FS, I welcome debate and I never mind hearing views that are contrary to my own. I think it's important to consider different views and it's certainly a good thing to be reminded that whatever views I hear on this campus have nothing to do with my belief system.

HOWEVER, there are effective ways to give tochacha and effective ways to spur people to think. Your comments don't do that. Don't get me wrong, I can take whatever you want to dish out and if I want to be at a place like Columbia I should be able to do that and I should think about these things, but contending that I want to be 40 and single hardly proves anything and it just makes me upset.

I think you have many valid things to say and I welcome all those comments, but I would appreciate it if you tried to present them as debates and not as personal insults.

At 11/28/05, 11:36 PM, Blogger Frum Singles said...

My comments were made with good intentions and were never intended as insults If they were understood as such I apologize. If you prefer to have a monologue, I can just as well keep my opinions to myself. After all, I usualy get paid handsomely for my professional opinions.

At 11/29/05, 3:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You all assume to much. Each and every one of you - but hey it gives me a good laugh to start my day... :D

At 11/29/05, 4:46 AM, Blogger Stx said...

Frum Single - Let's just say that your comments often carry the following tone:

Girls walks into a crowded room (we're assuming the protagonist is a girl here, so don't jump on me for that one). Her outfit is obviously new and a bit expensive, and she obviously is quite proud of it. You turn to her and say, "Wow, that outfit sure is ugly. You shouldn't go shopping at that store - they sell garbage. Whoah, and the colors just completely do NOT go together. Did you put that together yourself? You did a horrible job. I know that some people think they can make their own outfits; well, you just must not have an eye for it, because you look like something the cat spit out along with a hairball."

I don't care how fine your intentions are. Now, in that situation you should obviously speak to the girl privately (assuming that her sense of style REALLY matters, which it usually doesn't). But on a blog, there are still ways to provoke thought and discussion without being derogatory. Frum Single, we're not asking you to shove off and leave Eli7's blog alone; we're asking you to just show decency when voicing your opinion - and not jumping to unfair conclusions every time she opens her (virtual) mouth.

That's all.

At 11/29/05, 11:40 AM, Blogger Eli7 said...

FS, I do not prefer to have a monologue. But there is a way to give tochacha that doesn't make the person you're talking to feel like dirt. And quite frankly, if you haven't learned to treat people respectfully, then you don't know very much. And I would suggest you learn the proper way to give mussar before you even think of having children.

I'm not saying all this because I want you to go away so I can blog whatever I want and live my life without ever thinking about the hard questions. Continue the dialogue, but let's make it a true dialogue, not just an insult-fest.

At 11/29/05, 4:48 PM, Blogger Frum Singles said...

It is clear that my comments have been misinterpeted. I never, whether intentionally or unintentionally, insult you individually. What I commented on and took issue with, is the idealogy that you have adopted (hook line and sinker) and the ivy league diety that you prostate yourself before and for which you sacrifice the best years of your life. But this is not an issue with you, its the avoda zara that practically all of your fellow students worship. There is nothing wrong with an education. But the total absorption in "writing papers" and the all nighters cramming for finals all hours of the day and night is not thge process by whcih one obtains knowledge. Its a process by which one hopes to convince hte professor-god that she is worthy of an "A". That and the whole ivy league mindset is strictlt pure competition, dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest. Don't attempt to tell me otherwise. I now this forst hand from my "time spent" at Yale. A "death sentence" for those "killed" years; something that I deeply regret. So if you and/or your readers have no interest in a different perspective, I'll hold my comments to myself. Carry on with your self imposed servitutde and misery. Frankly, after its all over, you may very well remember this comment and wish you had taken my advice.

At 11/29/05, 5:34 PM, Blogger Eli7 said...

First of all, FS, Columbia is not a particularly competitve place--people kinda do their own thing without worrying how the person next to them is doing--but that's beside the point.

Do you really think I think my professors are god? Or that I prostrate myself before the Ivy League deity? Or that I've embraced the mindset and lifestyle of my non-religious and non-Jewish counterparts?

Because if you think any of that, you're wrong. Do I get too involved in the work and the grades? Absolutely. Is that a bad thing for my Judaism? Yes. And should I hear criticism? Yes.

But telling me I'm headed to being 40 and single is not productive criticism. Telling me I think that my professor is god? Not productive. And while I would certainly like to hear and respect your experiences at Yale and why you thought that it was so detrimental to your Judaism, your case is not the only one.

I truly do believe I am a better Jew for my time spent at Columbia. I'm not saying that everyone should come here now, but I am saying that different things bring different people closer to Hashem. My teachers (the religious ones that I look up to, not my "professor-gods") realize that; I don't understand why you can't acknowledge that something that didn't work for you could work for other people.

At 12/3/05, 6:12 PM, Blogger Devorah said...

Ooh, do i always miss the good catfights?..oh I know..i wait to read them when I'm sick to my stomach with offer, acceptance, condieration, reliance..doh!

FS: tis true that the Ivies are not right for everyone. tis true that they are managable by most and spiritually beneficial to a slim minority. But I think Gil Perl jsut a much better job at addressing such issues without insulting anyone. Not to mention, he's one of those minority members that became more religous after being utterly sickened by the values espoused at Penn. A sthickl googling, reading and maybe even some PC pills would help.

At 12/3/05, 9:19 PM, Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

Frankly, I'm just tired of FS's comments across the blogosphere, at this point I just ignore them. I don't feel like being lectured.


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