Monday, February 25, 2008

Here in This Paper Bag

"But someday we'll all be old
And I'll be so damn beautiful"

I've always been a bit self-conscious about the way I look. I won't go outside without eye liner and some attempt at making my hair look decent. I spend a lot of time picking my clothes out in the morning and obsessing over the right shoes, etc. And I won't feel self-confident if I don't feel that I look nice.
A character flaw perhaps, but true all the same.
Anyhow, I have a specific feature that never used to bother me but has started driving me insane lately. It bothers me every time I look in the mirror and has started making me really self-conscious.
(I'm not naming the feature because I don't want those of you who actually know me to spend time staring at it now that I've called your attention to it. So, yeah, stop trying to figure it out.)
I've decided I want to fix it. (Note: this does not involve plastic surgery or somesuch thing.) Only thing is, fixing it is really expensive. It's money I have (probably--there's a chance that it could be so expensive that its affordability would be a stretch), but, well, it's a lot of money for something purely cosmetic.
Part of me feels silly caring so much. I mean, I don't think it's had any negative effect on anything I've ever done, but lately it makes me feel so ugly.


At 2/25/08, 6:50 PM, Blogger Lichvod Shabbat Kodesh said...

you raise 2 issues regarding cosmetic procedures:
1) financial, which you are still evaluating, including insurance coverage
2) identity, or just feeling weird about it.

you mention that this has only recently bothered you, making you feel "ugly".

from my experiences as a friend of many who make these decisions comes down to this maxim:

is this blemish the cause or the symptom of your "ugly" feelings?

it sounds like you've had this for a while and are only recently caring about it...

because if it's NOT the cause of your feelings, then cosmetic procedure will NOT make you feel any less "ugly".

At 2/25/08, 8:37 PM, Anonymous Vora said...

You post this the same day your Starbucks stalker proposes you start a modeling career??

Thanks to the no-plastic-surgery-necessary hint, I know at least it has nothing to do with your superstitions about haircuts ;-)

And we are all going to figure this out if you have this "procedure" done.

At 2/25/08, 10:04 PM, Blogger Writer said...

Umm. Hello! I think you owe me a story. Starbucks stalker?

At 2/26/08, 4:27 AM, Blogger K said...

Ah, yes. The haircut theory.

My favorite (non-academic) theory ever. I agree with -- ahem! -- "writer." Stalker?


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