A Nonexistent Middle Ground?
I grew up Modern Orthodox, but would certainly not use that label for myself anymore. There is something superficial about the way Modern Orthodoxy functions, about the circles it runs around halacha. Torah matters most of the time, but every once in a while when it gets in your way, you can ignore it.
And yet, I would not, could not call myself Charedi or Ultra Orthodox either. Black hats still scare me a little, the centrality Torah plays in the yeshivish world is something oh-so-beautiful, but something I have a hard time identifying with. There is a closed-mindedness to different ideas that I cannot accept.
I went to Michlala, but I go to Columbia. I cover my knees, elbows, collarbone, but not my toes. I enjoy discussing the Rambam and Kant. I respect women who choose to be stay-at-home moms, but I am going to be a lawyer. There is something inherently beautiful about men choosing to learn as opposed to work, and yet there is something that bothers me about how widespread the practice is. I believe that halacha is the absolute basis of Judaism but also that inspiration and passion are necessary elements to religious practice. I believe in secular education and good literature and philosophy and interaction with the secular world but also on the centrality of Torah to Orthodox Judaism--indeed, to life.
That leaves me someplace in the middle, I guess. Someplace not Modern Orthodox anymore but not yet Ultra Orthodox. Someplace that works for me. Someplace that involves secular college but occasional phone calls to Israel before making decisions. Someplace where I am happy with the decisions I've made but am none-too sure they're right for others. Someplace where I've found fulfillment both in the realm of academia and Torah.
And yet, I wonder if I'm making this all up, if one truly can straddle the fence, if I'm creating a place that does not exist. Perhaps the transition between Modern Orthodoxy and Ultra Orthodoxy is not so fluid, perhaps it is more like a high stone wall than a fence. Perhaps there is no middle ground. Perhaps the place where I think I'm standing does not truly exist. Perhaps it is an artificial production of a dream world and one day soon I will realize that I have been trying to stand on clouds that cannot hold me. Perhaps sooner or later, I am going to have to choose where I stand, and give up on the concept of a middle ground.
posted by Eli7 @ 6:46 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
Nothing to do with Judiasm, but along the lines of straddling fences, does that mean the Independent party should be abolished ;-). Those who cannot decide where they belong and jump from one to other depending on who they like at the moment. Just an interseting analogy. Anyways I'm gonna leave it at that cuz I'm starting to ramble because I'm exhausted.
You're generalizing both MO and UO. There are variants of the groups, and you could very well fall into one of the groups like RW MO or LW UO. Maybe you should take that Orthodoxy test LamedZayin created a while back.
Nephtuli, yes I am generalizing. That's true, and I don't think anyone truly fits within a label. But I think there is still a degree of accuracy to what I've described.
And I did take the test. It told me I was confused. Which I probably am.
There is no "real" box. You are Orthodox, period. Shomer shabbos, kashrus, etc., while trying to grow.
Why do you have to be in any box?
The only one we use in my house is FBB-Frum Before Birth, which is everyone! ;)
(BTW-I found LamedZayin's test to be rather skewed, asking specific questions based on misunderstandings.)
TRW took the words right out of my mouth (keyboard?). Why do you feel the need to fit yourself into a box with a label? You are a growing Jewish woman who is trying to do the best she can while following the Torah and G-d's laws. We all pick and choose and do the best we can. I think that is all G-d wants of us. Keep it up!
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I know what you mean. I'm also middle of the road.
I think the frustrating piece isn't putting yourself into a box. It's finding others like you that is difficult. We want to be idealistic AND find others that think like us, both as validation and because, frankly, none of us wants to be alone.
A rosh yeshiva of mine once said that when you try to straddle the fence you become a Y'UNIC (get it? - those rosh yeshivas can be so witty).
Eventually most people get married and that forces them to choose. I hate that. You have to be the "serious" one in the modern community or the open thinker in the blat hat community. Uch. It's all so shallow. I'm with you. Don't give up on the dream. i wish I could tell you how it's done. I hope you figure it out, and then tell the rest of us in twenty years if you really struck you're own balance or fell back into the modern orthodax community as so many do...
I figured out a long time ago that I was in that middle place (as are a good number of my friends). I call it "Right of MO, Left of Yeshivish". The problem that I'm having with this middle ground is that far more girls inhabit it than guys. Blah.
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