It's 'The Newspaper Stresses Me Out' Day
I'm a big believer in newspapers and reading them and all, but this morning's viewing left me doubting the wisdom of doing so. This is what I learned upon perusal of today's press:
"Graduate education is the Detroit of higher learning." Which is, obviously, not particularly complimentary about my next life step. All I can say is, at least I'm not moving to Detroit.
In an article urging young women to marry now, "[W]omen's 'market value' declines steadily as they age." And I didn't even know I had a market value. Do you think my parents can get two goats and some sheep for me?
Portfolio—Conde Nast's business magazine—dies.
And, finally, soda is even worse for you than I thought. That's right, it is so potent that jewelers use it to separate gold from teeth. I can just get my caffeine exclusively from coffee.
I'm reminded of the quote: "I always turn to the sports section first. The sports section records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failures." Maybe I should start reading the sports section. It would probably not stress me out as much.