Wednesday, April 13, 2005

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

"One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?"

There is nothing more frustrating than giving a significant amount of time and/or energy to do something good and then not being able to do it.

On Monday I tried to give blood; my iron was too low. Today, I went back and my iron was high enough. I waited an hour and a half. They stuck me. I got nauseous. I'm okay, so no harm done. Except for the fact that I'm really frustrated. Here I was all ready to do a great, selfless act, and then I couldn't do it. So, not only do I end up not feeling so well and wasting time which I could have used to get some of my piles of work done (yeah right), I can't even say it was worth it. I didn't actually do anything worthwhile.

I'm not so upset that somebody who needs blood is not getting it, I'm so upset that I couldn't give it. Maybe it's just because giving blood is an indirect act to begin with, so you never truly see its effects. Maybe. But shouldn't I care more about the person who needs blood who is not getting it than I care about the fact that I'm a little dizzy and that I didn't earn my free t-shirt? Well, shouldn't I?


At 4/13/05, 7:55 PM, Blogger T. "B." M. said...

Eli, you know that the most important One appreciates your effort... I'm sure you get schar by Him. You know me, so you know I obviously can't give blood, but my friends or friends of friends always need, and it drives me INSANE(!).So I understand a little bit.

At 4/14/05, 10:56 AM, Blogger Stx said...

Eli7--Yeah, TBM's got a good point. If L'fum tzaara agra applies here, you've got schar comin' out of the chimney equal to all of the "tzaara" from trying to do this chessed.

America these days is so focused on the end product, rather than the process. In Reality, the effort counts far more than the results.

Think about my fave question about why Hashem created poverty. WE have to learn to give, to improve US. So it makes sense that you feel that YOU are lacking from not giving blood, because YOU did not feel like you had the experience of giving. But at the same time, you DID make yourself into a giving person, into a more selfless person. And it's that process that counts.

Okay, enough of my philosophizing for now...

At 4/14/05, 2:41 PM, Blogger Eli7 said...

Except that there is still less blood out there for the fact that I didn't give blood, which means one less person may get the blood he or she needs. Shouldn't I care more about that? Shouldn't I care about the would-be recipient of my blood?

At 4/15/05, 7:00 AM, Blogger Stx said...

Nah, don't play G-d. Let Him take care of that one.


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