Random Connections or Lack Thereof

I have started a whole bunch of posts recently but have not been able to articulate what I want to say -- or even figure out what I want to say -- enough to finish them. Writer's block. Which is especially weird when combined with the fact that my brain will not stop thinking (which makes sleep sorta difficult).

Also, I do not know how to not be stressed out. Nobody ever taught me how to be content. And if I'm not still trying to get to the next level in so many realms, how could I possibly be content? Though a friend says that what I lack for in relaxation I make up for in self-awareness.

I am thinking that being in the center of the universe without many of my friends is, well, not fantastic. I am trying to make new friends, trying to make this my community, but I'm not sure how to do it.

And I'm not sure where I stand religiously. No, that's not true. I know where I stand religiously, but I don't know how others view me, which shouldn't matter, but maybe it does. Am I less frum because I wear open-toe shoes and red nail polish on my toes? Can shoes really be not tznius? I think no. But what does that say about me?

I've been feeling really ugly lately for no apparent reason. This is not fishing for compliments, mainly because you can't see me, but also because this is not about how people view me; it's about how I feel about myself. But then I'm worried about how my religious level is viewed by other people? I make no sense.

Also, this should really be one long paragraph a la Jack Kerouac, but in the interest of readability I've broken it up. I don't know if I really believe in making sacrifices of form for readability in writing (though I am thankful that I did not have to read On the Road in the scroll version). But I'm an editor. I mess up writers' form for the sake of function all the time.

It is late, my computer is about to die, and I am going to sleep. Or will at least try to sleep. If my brain stops thinking.