A Friendly Note to Parents of Adorable Children
Dear friends who are parents,
Please post pictures of your kids on Facebook and even send me pictures by e-mail (so old-school, I know). Cute baby pictures are awesome and never fail to make me smile (and you obviously all have adorable babies).
Please tell me funny baby stories. But I mean objectively funny, not funny because you're the parent so anything the kid does is awesome. If your baby's first sentence was "No, no, not that" when asked if he wanted to go to bed, that's hilarious. If your kid's first word was "mama" and his first solid food was green beans, that's great, but I really don't need to know.
Please do not tell me any stories that involve the child's bottom. I don't want to know about the contents of the kid's diaper and I don't want to know about remedies for constipation. And while we're on that topic, nothing involving diapers is an appropriate topic for the dinner table. Also, spit-up, throw-up, and any other bodily functions. They're not cute just because they're coming out of a baby.
Please do not expect me to be best friends with your kid just because I am friends with you. I would love to hold your baby or read a book to your 2-year-old or play a game with your 5-year-old. But that's pretty much as interested as I am. And if the kid wants nothing to do with me, that's fine, but I am not going to make every effort to get to know a child who will forget me the minute I walk out the door and who cries every time I so much as look at her.
But cute baby pictures—keep those coming.
And I reserve the right to take this all back when I have kids of my own.