Thursday, July 14, 2005

Saving My Eternal Soul, or Trying to Do So

Try explaining to your co-workers that you don't want to go to happy hour with them because you just don't think it's the environment that a good, frum girl should be in.

Trust me, it's not so easy. I really like the people I work with, but their social activities leave much to be desired on my part. I do not want to see dirty foreign films with them and I do not want to drink with them. And they just don't get it. They just don't understand why I'm so opposed to hanging out with them outside of work, why I'm ostracizing myself from the group.

I could try telling them the truth - that I am trying to avoid damage to my eternal soul by choosing not to hang out with them - but someohow I'm not sure how well that would go over.


At 7/14/05, 7:41 PM, Blogger Me, Uncensored said...

Why not just tell them you're a religious Jew and your religion forbids you to do stuff like that ..

and leave it at that?

I doubt they'll give you a hard time about it as long as you let 'em know that you appreciate the offer and all. They're just trying to be friendly.

At 7/15/05, 6:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would you go with them to something more "pareve" like a baseball game?

At 7/15/05, 6:46 AM, Blogger Eli7 said...

The problem is, that there are two other religious Jews in my office who do go with them. So I can't just say that religion forbids it, because saying so would mean my saying that I'm more religious than the other religious people here (which myabe I am, but still not a very good thing to say).

Anon, I'm not sure. There is definitely drinking at baseball games (and I don't like sports), but would I go somewhere with them that would be more nuetral than a bar? I think so, but I'm not really sure about it.

At 7/15/05, 7:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could also just say you are a teetotaler (or that you only drink on Shabbos). There are lots of non-Jews like that, for whatever reason, like certain Christians, Mormons, Muslims, etc.

At 7/15/05, 8:37 AM, Blogger Me, Uncensored said...

Anonymous makes a good point. Many goy don't drink at all.

As far as the other Jews doing it -- since many goyim are at least nominally Christian, say it this way -- you're a different "denomination" and your particular group doesn't allow that kind of stuff. (I guess this would work as long as the other religious Jews aren't in fact frum.)

Most goys have known Baptists that don't dance or drink, Methodists who won't gamble, Catholics who only eat fish on Fridays, etc.

Maybe sometime you could organize something for after work sometime that you're comfy doing?

At 7/15/05, 8:42 AM, Anonymous Essie said...

I just told my coworkers that I don't drink. They are OK with that. We have ice cream socials at work and I participate in those (kosher Edy's or Ben & Jerry's).

At 7/16/05, 7:14 PM, Blogger Karl said...

If you tell the truth and show them you stick to your word, they will (eventually?) respect you for it. There is no reason to compromise yourself and/or your principals.
Or you could just say you are busy with other (more important) things.

At 7/16/05, 11:39 PM, Blogger leati said...

At my office they usually go to happy hour on Fridays, where I have the excuse of Shabbos. But how to get out of the Office Picnic that was purposely scheduled for a Friday afternoon instead of Saturday so that the two Jews could attend? Do share if you come up with any ideas!

At 7/17/05, 6:17 PM, Blogger Karl said...

I have written before about what to do (What I did) when they specially arranged an X-mas dinner on Tuesday night (instead of Friday) so that I would be able to come along!
Every situation is different, you just got to deal with each differently.


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